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Skip to contentMe and My Shadow – Memoirs of a Cancer Survivor is a brutally honest account of one teenager’s struggle to understand and deal with the most feared diagnosis known to society: cancer. At 18 years of age, John Walker Pattison was thrust onto a roller coaster ride of emotional turbulence – his innocence cruelly stripped from him; his fate woven into the tapestry of life. After years of failed chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments that ravaged his physical frame and almost destroyed his psychological stability – his parents were told that he would not survive. Yet, today, he is one of the longest surviving cancer patients in the UK. Eight years after his unexpected recovery, the news that all parents fear, his daughter is diagnosed with terminal leukaemia. Yet like her father, she too would defy the odds and go on to become an international swimmer. Pattison turned his life full circle and became a cancer nurse specialist at the same hospital that made his diagnosis decades earlier. He prescribes chemotherapy and cares for individuals with the same cancers experienced by both him and his daughter. Throughout his journey, Pattison’s inspirations were the space rock legends, Hawkwind. He would get to play on stage with his heroes at the Donnington Festival in 2007. More significantly, he found solace throughout his cancer journey in the history and spirituality of the Lakota Sioux Nation. In 2018, he would spend time on Pine Ridge Indian Reservation with the indigenous people of South Dakota. The same people who, unknowingly, supported him through life's greatest challenge: cancer.
John Walker Pattison was born in the wonderful seaside town of South Shields 65 years ago. He is a dedicated Newcastle United supporter since 1969 when he took his steps through the clackerty clack of the turnstiles at St James Park; however, there is little doubt that the crucial hinge in John’s life is his beautiful wife, June. “Nothing is more important than family,” says John. He retired from his post as a senior clinical nurse specialist and head of service in haematology at his local hospital, partially due to his chronic illnesses as a consequence of the salubrious chemotherapy and radiotherapy he received decades ago, this being the same hospital that established his cancer diagnosis almost 50 years earlier; at that time his parents were told that he would not survive, yet here he is today, humbled to be one of the longest living cancer survivors in the UK. He has written dozens of articles for national and international nursing and medical press - presented lectures the length and breadth of the country on many aspects of haematology and cancer management. He is honoured to have won numerous awards both locally and nationally for his work in haematology. However, Pattison knows that being one of the longest cancer survivors is his greatest achievement. John Walker Pattison recently completed his memoirs, ‘Me, and My Shadow – memoirs of a cancer survivor’ and which was published on 31st October 2022. In addition, following the completion of his memoirs and in retirement he is now focusing on children’s fiction. John declares, “I have always been an elasticated Grandpa – relaying exaggerated stories to my grandchildren for many years.” These unbelievable tales are now the basis for his children’s books. In 2021, his inaugural title, ‘Strange Trips and Weird Adventures’ was published, as part of a series of adventures of Daniel and Papa. ‘Blenkinsop Blabbermouth and the Ghost of Broderick McCaffery,’ is due to be published on 16 th December 2022, ‘The Fastest Water Pistol in Splodge City’ has a target publication date of May 2023 and the fourth title, ‘The Kingdom of Huckleberry Jam,’ is likely to be released late 2023. Meanwhile, Lunar von Buella the Mystical Mouse from Missoula is a work in progress. Pattison enjoys the solitude and escapism of fly fishing and photographing Native Americans. More significantly, he found solace throughout his cancer journey in the history, and spirituality of the Lakota Sioux Nation. In 2018, he would spend time on Pine Ridge Indian Reservation with the indigenous people of South Dakota, the people who, unknowingly, supported him through his, and life's greatest challenge, cancer.
John Pattison He is such an inspirational person. His love for life and reluctance to give in makes me value everything I have. My children, partner, job. Everything can be taken in the flick of a switch. He is living proof that we can make the most of our lives, no matter what gets in the way. (Anne Rucroft)
John Pattison The author of the memoir. After reading his story, I felt inspired to make the most of my life and appreciate the little things, that every moment of your life is precious. “Life is a privilege for all of us.” (Andrew Bell)
John Pattison Although never having had Cancer I live with Multiple Sclerosis, a long term health issue,which has changed my life in many ways. I can relate to this book as I have nursed Cancer patients – through Chemotherapy treatment and in the palliative field. John needed to be strong – what other choice did he have ? Since being diagnosed at the age of 18 he has lived his life facing many challenges, alone at times with sheer guts and determination. I have had the pleasure of meeting John in person and his attitude to life is amazing.Having read the book I feel that I know this man. Through all his “ups & downs” in life he has developed through necessity and with the support of his family and friends,the NHS staff,his beloved football team,his favourite rock group and his influential knowledge of the Sioux Warriors this has guided him through what has been a very difficult journey. (Eileen Tilley)
John Pattison If I was to align myself to anyone it would have to be John himself. Having had the same type of cancer as him, this was a difficult read and his thoughts, worries and concerns were very much what I went through. I can’t expand any further because everyone’s cancer journey is personal to those undergoing it. (John Buckton)
John Pattison Having lost my beautiful niece to Breast Cancer approximately 12 months ago at the young age of 38 years and also having seen a close friend of mine survive a similar Cancer diagnosis to John’s, I was keen to read this book. What stood out more than anything else was John’s positive mental attitude throughout his Cancer journey. Not only that – he also received the catastrophic news that his daughter has Leukaemia. Despite the difficulties thrown at John in his life he has achieved so much and the support from his family and friends,his love for his favourite rock group and football team,his interest and beliefs in the Sioux Warriors etc has helped him greatly along the way. (John Tilley)
John Pattison The author, John, is the main character in the book. Despite his illness he comes across as quite a humorous person whom I can relate to. He appears to have a dry sense of humour which appeals to me and probably because of this he seems to be a likeable person. As he is reflecting on his life, all that has happened to him seems to have made him a better and stronger person. I say this because he seemed to have had no ambition in life until his cancer made him realise that he should be doing more. It made me sad, as a nurse myself, to read that all those years ago he wasn't even told that he had cancer and that he only found out by chance. That is not the way anyone should find out that they have cancer. Like many people the author was once young and daft and didn't see what was really valuable in life. Every day is now an opportunity, whereas in the dark days every day was an ordeal to survive, with the threat of even worse days to come. I admire the way John came back from the brink of despair. His adversity finally made him see the world with a fresh wonder and appreciation. (Katie Boyle)
Dr Atkinson – for the simple fact that it felt he was really on the same journey as John. So many different nurses and doctors would have been part of this difficult process, but Dr Atkinson shone through as being there when needed. I can imagine that the medical profession needs to keep a sense of separation between themselves and the patient even if this is simply to not become too attached. However, empathy (not sympathy) is a difficult skill to master, and I feel necessary when supporting someone going through life’s challenges, and possibly the ultimate challenge. Whilst this challenge wasn’t Dr Atkinson’s to bear you felt that he still did. John really brought out the support from this individual well and also the reader really gets a sense that this character was a source of inspiration and role model for the author. John brought out the emotional side to Dr Atkinson at key points in the book and allows the reader to relate to them. (Niall McKay)
Throughout the book, we join the author’s struggles; the highs and the lows, but it was his ‘Final Thoughts’ that struck me the most. “The long pathway of life is fraught with obstacles; some large, some small, but all need to be jumped.” Anne Rucroft
“I was about to embark on a journey of unrivalled proportions - a pathway that was beyond my comprehension and understanding and, more importantly, was beyond my control. Strangely it would make me the person that I am today, perhaps a better person than the one that I might have become had cancer not torn my life to shreds and then influenced my entire future.” (Eileen Tilley)
“A hidden veil of unanswered questions pestered my subconscious mind every hour of every day. Self-posed questions of mortality and survival raised emotions so diverse and unknown to my immature mind and caused such fear that my tentative optimism was indiscriminately cast aside and replaced by indecision and doubt.” Every cancer diagnosis is different even if it’s the same type of cancer. However every patient naturally asks this same question. “Am I going to survive this illness?” (John Buckton)
“Never look back on your life unless you are prepared to smile and be reflective, never look forward unless you can dream – we all need dreams and we all need hope.Life can be cruel, often difficult to negotiate, as I and many others have discovered, but it’s there to be enjoyed and it is our responsibility to do so.” (John Tilley)
“Cancer has played a significant part in my life and has presented many difficult, and life-changing challenges but, hard as it is to understand, many positives came from that. It caused me to reflect on what is and what is not relevant in my life and enabled me to recognise the difficulty other individuals face and find the strength, like so many others, to overcome adversity and to look forward to tomorrow… Life is a privilege for all of us.” (Katie Boyle)
Pg 44 “I do believe that much of the fear and stigma relating to cancer treatments must be laid at the door of the media. How sad it is, when they could have an educative effect on the public, they all too often tend to sensationalise cancer and its necessary treatments. It’s a great shame when someone comes along and is given a
cancer diagnosis and told they need to have chemotherapy, then feel psychologically destroyed having previously read an article in a tabloid that portrayed the event so negatively.” How true this is and in many instances media accountability can be seen lacking in any number of areas. We only have to look over the last few years to see this. (Niall McKay)
Overall Rating: 4.5 stars. A well written account of a Cancer survivor, enduring a fight to survive the toughest battle of his life. Determination, hope, the unwavering tenacity of a lion. Inspirational and often heartbreaking, John Pattison’s Me and My Shadow, urges the reader to step back and take a look at how beautiful and short life really is. I will not listen to Louis Armstrong’s song without remembering the poignancy of John Pattison’s tale. “And I think to myself, what a wonderful world”— Louis Armstrong. (Andrew Bell)
Overall Rating: 4.5 stars. A brilliant and often heart-stopping memoir of a Cancer survivor, who refuses to give in. Determination, hope, and a sheer reluctance to not live his life to the fullest. John Pattison’s Me and My Shadow, makes the reader take a look at how short life really is, and how some battles are worth fighting for. (Anne Rucroft)
Overall Rating: 4.5 stars. This is a truly amazing book. John allowed the reader to travel with him on his Cancer journey, sometimes raw and gut wrenching and at other times funny and warm, but above all hopeful of survival. (Eileen Tilley)
Overall Rating: 4.5 stars. As a young man of 17 to be given this kind of diagnosis in 1970’s South Shields the thought of surviving this illness must have been daunting. Not only was he not allowed to know initially what his illness was but the chances of survival must have been slim. The author has written a very clear narrative of how cancer affects not only the recipient but also family, friends and work colleagues. Cancer isn’t just Cancer it’s an emotional rollercoaster which affects many. What the author has splendidly done is to bring every aspect of this rollercoaster and put it down in a paper, in a way which can be viewed by many. It’s a difficult read but it’s also evocative and very emotional. I cherished the fact that the author also hangs onto something he utilises to help him get through his cancer journey and that is his love of music especially that of “Hawkwind” This book is a must read for any health professional who works in or aspires to work within the field of cancer. Apart from his personal thoughts, what the author portrays throughout the book is the underlying question every cancer patient asks. “Why me?” (John Buckton)
Overall Rating: 4.5 stars. A truly inspirational book. The following passage just sums it all up :- “Live Life fully, enjoy it as if each day were your last, one day it will be and you should have no remorse to leave behind as I leave behind no remorse or regret.” (John Tilley)
Overall Rating: 4.5 stars. This is a true story, and whilst I don’t believe I would have chosen to buy this book, I did enjoy reading it. The highlight for me was the main character of John. He stood out to me because of his very “Everyman” status. It sounds like a contradiction, but he stood out because of his very normality. The shock of cancer initially made him concentrate on himself and look inward, like staring into a black hole. As time went on, he began to look around and even beyond the horizon to see the wider world, its richness and its cultures and its people, both distant and very near and dear to him. (Katie Boyle)
Overall Rating: 4.5 stars. Me and My Shadow is a well written and edited book from start to finish. It is an honest and well thought out autobiography based on the author’s experiences over what was a hugely difficult time for him. The reader is taken on a rollercoaster ride by the author and throughout I was emotionally engaged with everything that was happening. The golden thread that runs throughout is “hope” and this is never lost by the reader. What is such a difficult topic to read about, let alone write about, is laid bare by the author. However, it is done in a way that engages rather than disassociates the reader. The author repeats, sentence construction within the book and sometimes within the same chapter which is a very minor issue and does not significantly detract from the read. Of course it is quite clear how strongly the author feels throughout the book and in describing his emotional turmoil so can certainly be forgiven for this repetition which serves in part to reinforce his thoughts and feelings. As for characterisation, John writes about real individuals clearly and of course how he related to them throughout his journey. Essentially though this book is about John and the reader has a strong sense of who he is by the end of the book. A remarkable person and even more so for sharing his life so honestly. Thank you for the insight you have given me into this affliction, which till now I never really had. (Niall McKay)